Les Mots Perdus
by TheWanderingMiko
Summary: Translated "The Lost Words" Set after the series ended, Katara is plagued with her confusion over her feelings and Zuko is plagued with the want to know what's wrong with her.
1. Pieces

She looks at him over the table laid out with platters upon platters of food where their friends are feasting with abandoned joy at the final desicration of Fire Lord Ozai and along with him the war. He looks back briefly, Mei at his side looking rather like the porcelain doll that she is. They've been talking all night; Aang has been trying to talk to her but she can't make herself listen to him for some reason.

She is confused. Before, the war was a distraction, something to take her mind off of the pressing choice between her feelings for Zuko and her present lack there of for Aang. Aang loved her, Zuko did not as far as she could tell, though if he did, she would have to commend him for his acting skills. Because he makes loving Mei look so convincing.

Her plate is still full, still as full as it was when it was filled for her, though her water glass is nearly empty of it's third fill. Running her fingertip along the rim she watches the way Mei and Zuko smile and chatter, watching them through her bangs so they can't see that she is watching. Why does she feel this way?

At some point in the foggy existance that is the evening, Sokka asks her if she's alright; this calls attention that she doesn't want to her and she is forced to smile and say that she is fine. Of course she's fine, why wouldn't she be fine? But inside, she isn't. She casts Zuko one more look to find he is watching her before pushing back from the table and excusing herself. She can't stay there, it only makes it hurt.

Aang says something to her that she doesn't hear as she passes him, Zuko's eyes never leave her. Not once from the moment she stands and leaves the table to the moment where she is so far past him that he has to turn to look at her. Nothing is said as the others continue their meal.

Once the door to the hall closes behind her, she feels herself wrapped up in the cool darkness, it hides her from the world for a brief shining moment before light from the dining hall cuts through it. Zuko appears and closes the door behind him, the darkness returns.

"What's wrong?", he asks, maybe he thinks that their final battle together gives him some connection to her. But it doesn't, not really, because he chose Mei.

"Nothing", she says softly, her voice sounding much too like the broken and confused mess that she is inside; it is only her skin that is holding her together.

"There is something", he tells her, it's a fact, not a question anymore and it bothers her somehow because she wants to know how he always knows what's going on inside her. He reaches for her but she backs away, staying just out of reach of his fingertips; she knows that if he touches her, it's all over.

"There is nothing", she insists, though it's more for herself now than for him, it's her that needs to hear it, not him. He takes his hand back and maybe it's her imagination but she swears she sees some disappointment in his eyes.

Stepping further away from him, she bows and asks that he excuse her before turning to leave; but he doesn't leave it at that, it's not that simple. He takes her hand in his and holds her in place. She is sure he is watching the broken pieces of her shift under her to make the holes less noticable; if he is he says nothing about it. Instead he just pulls her back, his fingers running along her jaw to lift it up; touches much too light to leave no chips in her visage.

She wants him to kiss her, somehow she needs him to. But then she knows he wont as he looks down at her with those eyes. They knew everything that was inside her, except for this and it was this that she needed him to know the most. So, pushing away from him, she gives him a forced smile, one to glaze over the cracks that are forming (happy that he can't see the tears burning in her eyes in the darkness) and walks away.


	2. Shadows

It's late night before Zuko finally gets out of bed and resigns to the fact that he won't sleep tonight; his mind is far too busy. He is careful not to disturb Mei as he crawls from the bed, pulling on a robe as he steps out of the room and into the hallway. Somehow it is a reprieve, vaguely he wonders how his bedroom became so hot and he had not noticed; he does notice as he stands in the hall though. Goosebumps rise on his flesh and he wraps the robe just a little bit tighter around himself as he thinks about what is troubling him. Katara is.

Katara had been bothering him all night, why would this moment be any different from the last without any intervention? He'd watched as she'd stood from the table and excused herself, he hadn't looked away when she'd walked past him, and he'd sat there for a moment after she'd left before excusing himself as well and chasing after her. Catching her in the hall and asking her what was wrong. Mei had given him a dirty look, maybe she was insecure, of this he isn't sure, nor does he think he really cares. It was Katara who was important at the time because something was wrong and no one had paid attention. But she had needed them to.

Now that he thinks back on it, he notes that it was rather stupid for him to think that he could have made a difference; there was nothing he could have done to change the outcome, it is always the same. This is because Katara is always the same.

He is concise about things because he needs to be, he is a leader of a nation; she is not. She doesn't need to be controled and absolute in her actions, but she wants to be. Perhaps she is looking at whatever is bothering her as a choice, wanting to be absolute but not wanting to choose wrong because she wont be able to go back. He was like that at one point, but then... He isn't sure what exactly happened to change this fact, he just knows that it is changed. Katara hasn't changed.

Hearing a rustling in of covers and voice come from his bedroom, Zuko walks away down the hall, not really wanting to be asked why he isn't sleeping at this time. He heads towards Katara's room, fooling himself into believing that her room is on the other side of the building. Maybe he really believes it, but probably not. Rounding the corner of the hall, he is surprised to see she is standing at the railing of the window; staring out at the moon as though it holds some answer to her question.

It is there that he stops, watching her in curiosity, he has never seen her so serene, She is leaning on the windowsill, her soft night gown covered by a pale blue robe that he'd never seen. Her hair is down, drooping slightly over her shoulders only slightly shielding her mother's betrothal necklace from his view Vaguely toying with the possibility that she will retreat into her room, he makes his way to her as quietly as he can.

"You should be sleeping" he says softly, watching as she jumps before giving him the same lost look that he'd thought he'd seen when he'd caught her in the hall after dinner. Turning back to the window, she pulls her robe just a little tighter around her and stands a little straighter.

"I can't sleep" she says softly, her voice isn't overly emotional, but it's not the same dead voice that she had earlier. It's more believable and he briefly wonders if she's been practicing before stepping up close beside her.

"Neither can I" he says, watching her give him a sideways glance out of the corner of her eye; he likes that look, it's the first sign that she's not going to run.

"Leaders of nations should sleep" she says lightly, he wants to laugh but he doesn't; instead he simply lets the laugh come out as a gentle smile. Leaning against the wall, he looks at her out through the veil of his hair so that she can't tell he's looking. The moon is pale on her face and in her eyes, she looks fragile somehow, though he knows she isnt.

"Waterbenders who don't eat their dinner should sleep as well" he retaliates, watching her fight away a grin. She says nothing in response but instead goes silent and continues to watch the moon. What is she thinking of? The war is over, what is there that still haunts her to the point of not sleeping? His hand twitches and he wants to touch her, to let her know that whatever it is, she can tell him; that he will do his best to help. But when he gets close she pulls away, giving him an apologetic look before leaning against the other side of the window, the moon light serving as a divider that neither crossed.

He watches her for a moment, then mimicks her stance and crosses his arms over his chest. She is fiddling with her fingers, pretending that they are particularly interesting; something is wrong, he knows it is, but she wont tell him.

"I want to help you, Katara", he says gently, his voice restricted to hide the injured pride.

"You can't help me", she responds, why not? They are friends aren't they? He steps into the path of the window, bathing in the moonlight and obstructing it's path to the floor.

"Why?", she isn't looking at him; she is refusing to look at him and he knows it. Stepping in front of her he watches as she turns her head so that he isn't in her view; she is being deliberate, she doesn't want to have to answer. His fingers come up and touch the side of her face furthest from him and she pulls away, this time looking at him. There is hurt in her eyes. Hurt and confusion and guilt that he can't think of a justification for; Does he want to?

He looms over her, filling her gaze so that there is no where to look _except_ for him; wanting desperately to wash away all of the bad emotions that he can see filling her. His free hand braces against the wall and the other ghosts along her cheek, keeping enough distance so that she wont pull away, but close enough to sate his want to touch her.

She is trapped, no where to go.

"Why, Katara...?", he asks again, watching her struggle with herself for a long moment before she pushes him violently away and running across the hall to her room. The door closes and he is left alone.

Damn it.

Continuing the way down the hall, he makes his way to the staircase and goes down it. The downstairs is just as unforgiving as the upstairs and he groans softly before going to the sitting room and sinking down on to the couch. He doesn't turn on the light, there is no point. Instead he lays there, watching the shadows that are making their nightly rounds. It is there that he falls asleep.


	3. Rips and Tears

Katara gets up early the next morning, she hasn't slept very much all night. The sun isn't up but the moon isn't either; a dark limbo of early morning sets in and she lights a lamp in her room so that she can see to get dressed. It's cold out. Early morning is always cold; so she pulls on a warm robe over her fire nation clothing. She likes them now, they suit her even though she is a water tribe girl and she wears them almost as much as her regular tunic.

She doesnt think to bring the lamp with her as she snuffs it out and leaves the room. The dark has never scared her anyway. The window is blatantly ignored as she passes before it on her way down the hall. Carefully she makes a path down the stairs, stepping on them so that they wont squeak. But they wont anyway, this is the Fire Lord's home and it is well kept up. She is on her way to the kitchen when she hears the sound of someone in the livingroom; too many scary stories have left her with the automatic skitter of fear crawling up her spine as her mind flashes to the worst.

Thankfully the more reasonable side of her quickly pushes the thoughts away and she investigates; taking the water from one of the flower vases with her for protection. There is a dark figure on the couch, and as she gets closer (readying the water for attack) she realizes that it is Zuko. But why is he down here? His bedroom is upstairs where no doubt Mei is still happilly asleep, she's been aware of that for far too long.

The water is hovering over Zuko's face when a shifting behind her startles her and she drops the it. Then Zuko is awake, sputtering and gasping.

"Sorry!", she whispers quickly, wondering why she is whispering at all as he starts to get mad, he is going to say something before she speaks, but it dies in his throat at the sound of her voice and he just looks at her. Unconsciously she takes a step back, just out of his reach so that if he decides he is angry with her he wont be able to reach. He would never use fire bending against her, not since the caves. "It was an accident!", she explains quickly, "I came in because I heard something and it was you, I had the water for protection and something moved in the hall and frightened me and- I'm sorry!"

He moves to get up and she moves to take a step back, the coffee table stops her.

"It's fine", he says, "I needed to get up anyway", that's a lie, he doesn't need to get up, he wants to get up, he wants to talk to her and for some reason; no matter how hard she tries to avoid it, he manages to get his way. Just like right now.

Since she can't get away from him she sits on the coffee table; he sits opposite her, all sleep gone from his eyes and the room a little lighter with the finally rising sun.

She can see him now (and he can see her) and she notes that the robe he is wearing is falling from his shoulders, opening a spanse of chest to distract her. But the state of dress doesn't make her uncomfortable like it would other girls, she has seen him without a shirt before. Instead it makes her more comfortable, he is less the Fire Lord now and more the enemy she had come to befriend. This was the Zuko from before (before all this confusion and jittery heartbeats) and this fact eases a little of her distress. Very little.

After a few moments she realizes that she can't face him and without a word she stands and moves to walk away. To go into the kitchen and turn her back on him, but before she can take more than a step he takes her hand in his.

Nothing is said, though now, with his larger hand wrapped around her own, his fingers gripping her wrist slightly, she wishes he would speak. Minutes go by and not a word passes between them. She tries to pull away but his grip is unrelenting.

"Let go", she says softly, but he doesn't; if he hears her he is ignoring her request; she tries to pull away again. Again it doesn't work and he simply holds onto her; why? Why wont he let go? She can't do this; she can't be feeling this right now.

Her chest is tightening and she can feel the tears gathering, but why? She never did anything, her mind was flashing between Zuko and Aang and she couldn't make it stop. Her cracks were spreading and the pieces of her were shifting around again, trying to keep her outer shell from tearing. She didn't love Aang the way he loved her, but she couldn't love Zuko because it wasn't fair to anyone. He was in love, he in a sense belonged to her and she had no right to step on that.

Once more she pulled her wrist but he didn't let go. She was starting to break from the inside out.

Her free hand balled up into a fist and, taking water from one of the vases, she turned; throwing it in his face and running when he released his grip on her wrist. Crashing through the kitchen, she tripped slightly as she wheeled around Suki who wasn't supposed to be there (trying to hide the tears that were burning a way down her face, another thing that wasn't supposed to be there) and managing to get out the door; slamming it behind her.

Feeling like a confused child, she ran to the garden and hid in the gazebo that stood beside the lake where the turtle ducks swam. She barely made it before she broke down into fits of sobbing.


	4. Some Revelation

Zuko is caught off guard as he is hit in the face with a rather drowning amount of water; it forces him to release Katara's hand and he looks up in time to see her trip around a surprised looking Suki.

Suki jumps in surprise as she is nearly bowled over by a physically distraught Katara who is rushing out the door. She looks at him, then after the waterbender, and then back to him; he is wiping the water from his face.

"Okay spill it", she says after a moment or two, "what was that about?"; he ignores her question, in all truth he doesn't know what it's about. He doesn't know why he got out of bed last night, or why he tried to talk to Katara, or why he came down here or why he tried to make her talk to him in the first place. He really doesn't know.

But he is going to find out.

Getting up, he heads after her, side stepping Suki and closing the door behind him softer than Katara had done. Now where to start? The early morning sun gives some aid to finding her, but not enough to make the job easy. So he spends a good portion of his morning wandering the gardens looking for her; the world coming alive around him with the rising sun.

After a while he doesn't find her; he is just about ready to give up, telling himself that the others in the house are probably awake by now and Suki has told them what she saw this morning. Unconsciously he has just convinced himself to keep looking for Katara, he doesn't like the idea of facing the bout of questions and insecure glares from Mei.

Finally, he stops at the gazebo, it is old and cracked; the paint is wearing off and he thinks briefly of having it repainted before dismissing the idea. He means to take a break, to sit and wait for a little while before deciding whether to return to the house or to keep looking for Katara when it's obvious that she doesn't want to talk to him. But as he steps onto the creaking boards that he probably should have renailed down, he finds her, huddled up against the wall of the structure, head down, the world tuned out.

He gets down beside her as quietly as he can, not wanting her to run off again because he is not sure he could manage another bout of trying to find her in the large garden. When he is fully down beside her, he ever so gently brushes a few stray locks behind her ear.

She leaps at his touch, scooting away from him before she realizes who it is; when his face registers she tries to scoot away further, but with less fright and more avoidance. It is then that he stops her. Taking off his robe, he wraps it around her, hiding from his view the goosebumps that have slowly come to cover the bare spanse of her skin. She seems to relax a little after he does this. (At least she doesn't look like she's going to bolt.) The waterbender mutters a thank you and nothing more passes between them for a few long moments.

It is Zuko that speaks.

"What's wrong Katara?", at this point he is not sure if he expects an answer or not; he glances at her and sees that she is staring blankly into the air around them. Probably not.

But she surprises him.

"A lot of things are wrong...", she mumbles, it is the most she's said to him in the last few days and he wonders if he can get her to talking at a normal amount.

"Do you want to talk about them?", she shoots him down.

"No." Again nothing is said for a long few moments before he tries again.

"Is this about Aang?", the waterbender shrugs and lays her chin on her arms that are crossed over her knees.

"A little...", she concedes, "it's a little about you too..."

Him? He gives her a confused look that she doesn't see before dropping the subject and sinking into his thoughts. What about him could have been bothering her? And what about Aang for that matter? As far as he knew the Avatar adored her, he would do anything just because he asked her to. She speaks again.

"I don't think I love Aang the way he wants me to", she mumbles, her demeanor not changing, "he's like a little brother to me, looks like the play was right..." He knows what she is referencing, the awkward night before the end of the war when they all went to the theatre together. The Ember Island Players had butchered the play but had brought up some unsettling questions and realizations about themselves and the relationships and decisions that they had made.

"You can't help that...", he says gently, hoping that it helps; she shakes her head.

"Then why do I feel like it's my fault?", she asks, he has no answer for her and after a moment or two of silence, she speaks again, obviously deciding that she isn't going to get an answer to that one. "Then there's you..." He sits forward slightly, a ray of light coming across his shoulders and warming them.

"What about me?" she turns her head so he can't see her face anymore and hunches her shoulders.

"You just- make everything so much more complicated." he opens his mouth to ask her what she means and she continues before he can speak, "It's like- I get it all figured out and it all makes sense, and you throw a monkey wrench into the works..." She sighs softly and turns back so that he can see the profile of her face again. "Maybe that play was right about a lot of things..."

She isn't making much sense and Zuko is forced to try and rearrange what is being said so that it makes some sense. But it makes little.

"What do you mean?", he asks; she looks at him, her expression one of exasperation.

"I _mean_ that ever since that last battle with Azula I can't get the image of you hurt out of my mind, I can't make myself forget what I felt when I thought you were going to die. And Aang is expecting him and I to be together and I am not sure that's what I want..." She turns back and lays her chin on her knees once more, "You-..."

He puts his hand on her arm to stop her and she looks up at him briefly before looking to see Aang standing at the end of the path, just out of earshot, looking for her. Nothing more is said for a long time and while Katara is watching Aang with a look on her face that shows that she hopes he doesn't come over, Zuko is watching Katara. A range of emotions come across her face when she doesn't know he's watching, all finally settling on uneasy anxiousness.

Finally, the airbender leaves, wandering back towards the house; when he does Zuko hears Katara release the breath she is holding. It is time to go back inside; they would have to continue this later else they be interrupted. He pushes himself to his feet and offers her his hand.

"We'll continue this tonight", he says softly, realizing why she hadn't wanted to talk to him before, it was because he was a big part of what was bothering her. He has questions now, questions like what had she felt and how did it pertain to him; but he pushes them away as she took his hand and let him pull her up.

She trips a little but he catches her against him and gives her a gentle smile which she returns briefly before pulling away from him (he doesn't hold on to her and lets her do as she likes). Together, they head back to the house.


	5. Lines To Be Crossed

The roof of the Fire Lord's house is cold at night, Katara is happy that she thought to wear a thick robe over the thin nightgown that had been provided for her as she carefully positions herself on the chilly tile. It is not freezing, but it is enough to send a chill up her body from the feet up. Perhaps her frigid state of being is obvious because Zuko is holding a blanket when he appears in his own robe. Briefly she wonders why they had to choose this spot to meet, but she knows why, it is over Iroh's room. As the old man snores louder than an Elephant Rhino, no one else is on this side of the house and they are safe to openly talk. If Iroh wakes, he isn't going to be the one to disclose to others what they are talking about.

The fire lord sits beside her and offers up the blanket, his skin becoming a light pinkish hue that shows he is able to raise his body temperature to accommodate and doesn't need it. But she does and realizing this she accepts it; wrapping it around her and tucking her body in so that only her head is outside the warm shield against the cold. She is no longer cold, but wonders if he is.

Silence ensues and after a moment or two she quietly scoots closer to him and wraps the slack of the blanket around him so that it encompasses the both of them. She doesn't want to be this close to him, she can feel the glue already coming undone but she won't let him freeze for her sake.

"Thanks", he says softly, giving her a smile; she gives no response other than a nod and looks away into what would have been the horizon had the sun been setting.

The wind runs it's fingers through her hair, tugging at the strands that have fallen free after the day of avoiding the others and practicing her waterbending in some secluded part of the garden. Zuko's fingers wrap around a few of the strands and put them behind her ear; ghosting a touch over her neck on accident.

Her jolt is immediate, as though he had burned her; but he didn't and she knows that he doesn't deserve her actions.

"Sorry", she says softly; he doesn't hear her and if he does he says nothing about it, instead he says the words she had been hoping that he wouldn't say.

"About this morning…" her voice is soft as she looks away.

"I don't want to talk about it" but she needs to, she wants help from someone to sort out the broken pieces and try to put the puzzle back together. Maybe if he helps her, her world will finally make sense again. But even if it makes sense the fact will still remain; she doesn't love Aang the way he wants her to, those feelings are reserved for Zuko even if she couldn't have him. "But I suppose I have to", she says finally, wondering where she is to start; thankfully Zuko picks up as though on cue.

"You said this morning that the play was right about a lot of things…what was it right about?" she hadn't expected him to jump to the point so quickly and having him do so surprises her. This is wrong, so wrong; the pieces are shifting again, some of them joining together and making the movement even more difficult than it was before.

The difficulty must be evident on her face because she hears him ask her if she is okay and if something is wrong. But she can't tell him what's wrong because there is too much wrong here to tell.

"Everything", she whispers, feeling her heart go into an abnormal rhythm as he watches her getting close to telling. She looks up at him, opening her mouth and trying to find the right words; but no words are going to come. They have all gotten stuck in the filter that stopped them coming out before; she can't take that filter away, it holds too much behind it.

He is watching her, those eyes that once were her enemy now becoming so again as she struggles over the need to end this all and the want to hide from the effects that would come afterwards. She wanted to hold off the pain as much as she wanted to save herself from this internal torture.

After a moment or watching him, everything becomes blurry and before she fully realizes what she is doing, her mouth has met his. Her hands come up awkwardly to rest on his shoulders and she holds onto him just in case he pushes her away. But he doesn't, her mind registers that much; another piece inside her snaps into place. Why isn't he pushing her away?

Long moments pass, nothing outside of either of their bodies registers to Katara, she can't hear the night birds, crickets, or Iroh's snoring anymore; the blood rushing in her ears has drowned it all out.

Finally she pulls back, daring a glance at his surprised face before slipping as far away from him as the blanket allows. Nothing is exchanged between the two of them, slowly the sounds of the world return to registry. The birds continue to sing their songs, the crickets continue to join in and Iroh continues to snore in his room below them. The world hadn't stopped because she'd kissed him, though she had been so sure that it was going to.

Looking back at him (he is watching her) she notes that his face unreadable to the point that she can't even guess what it is going on inside him; his eyes which usually give some hint are glazed over and hold no secrets for her. Vaguely she wonders if it is worth the warmth to stay this close to him.

A moment passes, then another and another; she is almost ready to force herself from under the blanket and go into the house out of the frigid air before he closes the space between them so that they are barely apart. He says nothing, she can only hear him moving briefly before his hand comes over her shoulder to guide her chin up so that she is looking at him. She opens her mouth to speak but before she can, his mouth covers hers; perhaps it is good because she had nothing to say in the first place.

Another piece snaps into place and she can feel the sharp edges cutting the visage she has worked so hard to keep in place.


	6. Hurting Others

Katara is soft, even though she tries to hide it with her tough exterior, Zuko knows that she is soft where it matters; her heart. He is the one that knows she's always been soft, he is the one that she cried to (and yelled at and blamed) when everything was going wrong and they were in prison together. That is something he will never forget, and something she will never endure again if he can help it.

He doesn't move closer to her, he keeps that little distance between them because it is enough just to hear that contented sigh that states that this is what she wants. Katara is a complex woman, he knows this, but this is so simple that it's almost deceptive. If he is supposed to feel guilt or remorse, he isn't, his mind has shut those centers down and now they are focused on the fluttery quick pulse he can feel through the flesh of her throat.

After a moment or two they separate and Katara lets out a long breath that he mimics, realizing that he's been holding his breath this whole time. The brunette's blue eyes are clouded as they meet his for a moment; his are not, he can see everything and he watches as just seconds later her eyes clear and she wrenches away from him.

Her hands fly to her mouth and she tries to go further, obviously deciding that there is not enough distance between them; but the blanket stops her, it has fallen down with her movement and as she moves it trips her. She is losing her balance before Zuko grabs her hand to stop her decent, but he has misjudged this act because she takes him with her.

Roughly cold roof tiles scrape them but don't slow their decent more than a little as they skid down the roof. There is no gutter to catch them, nothing to stop them from falling off the roof and they do only to be caught by Zuko grabbing the edge (he is holding her hand so that she doesn't fall to her injury on the deck below them). It is a good thing that only Uncle Iroh is on this side of the house because had anyone seen them as they were there would be no explanation that would be sufficient to get them out of the awkward situation that it would cause.

Looking down at her, he drops Katara to her feet to the deck below; making sure that she is alright before he pulls himself back up onto the roof. He almost slips again before a platform of ice catches him and gives him the footing that he was before lacking. Once he is securely back on the roof he looks down to see that the water bender is no longer there but is instead climbing from a platform of her own onto the roof (the water is returned to the pond from whence it came once she is securely standing on the roof).

"Maybe we should move to a flatter section of the roof…", she states with something that is supposed to be humor as she makes her way towards him, he fights away a grin, he has always liked her humor...at least when he isn't the target of it. Reaching a little ways up the roof from where they already are, he grabs the blanket from where it had deserted them and wraps it around the two of them when she sits beside him, this time closer but not too close.

"I didn't mean to startle you…", he states with something of a grin, watching her become slightly uncomfortable with him again. He is learning the waters and soon will be able to sail through them; maybe that bothers her.

"Well you did a good job of it", she says softly, looking towards the night horizon as though nothing had occurred in the last few moments. To anyone that looked at them they wouldn't have known that she'd kissed him, that he'd kissed her back and that they had nearly fallen off of the roof; they would have just looked like two people who were enjoying the nightly sights together.

"So what does this all mean?", he asks; glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. She doesn't look at him.

"What do you expect it to mean?", she returns, almost sarcastic in her words; he thinks about it for a moment. She'd said she thinks of Aang as a little brother, she'd said that the play was right, was she telling him that the feelings that Aang expected from her were reserved for him? If not then why had she kissed him? He knew why he'd kissed her back, because it had felt right; there was something in it that he'd never experienced before, it hadn't been there with Mei before and it still wasn't. There was a true understanding between he and Katara, they'd been through a lot together, he'd betrayed her, he'd tried his damnedest to get her trust again and in the end he had gotten it. He cares for her far too much sometimes, which was why he'd pursued finding out what was wrong in the first place.

"Do you _love_ me?", it is an awkward question and the blue eyed girl doesn't look at him while answering it.

"Automatically I say no…", Zuko almost pouts, almost, " but-…that's not because I feel that the idea is incorrect but because I am betraying a friend if I say yes." The fire lord's thoughts hitch on that. So…she does love him? That suggestion brings a grin onto his face, he likes it; he is not sure why, but it feels right. But what about Aang and Mei? He looks at her to see that obviously she is thinking the same thing; there is a guilty look on her face that she has when Aang confronts her about his affections for her. She is hurting someone and she doesn't like it.

Wrapping his arms around her, he feels her automatically fight; she tries to push him away briefly before she gives in and just sinks tiredly against his chest. Neither says a word as they sit on the roof, staring off into the distance for the longest time; when the sun peeks it's shining head over the horizon, they part and climb down together.

The fire lord walks Katara to her room, bids her good night and then heads to his own room; very carefully he climbs into his bed beside Mei and relaxes; his mind only touching on one thing before he slipped quickly into sleep. Katara loved him, but what did he feel?


	7. Sleep Nazis

Katara had every intention to sleep past noon, but she doesn't get the chance as Suki decides that she has to get up when she comes to the water bender's bedroom door. The knock comes and the brunette rolls over, enjoying her secret dream about Zuko too much to let it go that easily. A second knock comes and dashes away the dream though and Katara groans.

"Unless you've come to tell me that the world is ending, go away!", she calls as she rolls herself over again and tries to force herself back to sleep. Obviously, however, the other brunette takes her yelling as an invitation to come in because she hears the door open and a second later the Kiyoshi warrior is descending upon her like the hell-angel of early morning sleep deprivation.

"Good morning Katara, did you sleep well?" the water bender's response is immediate to the point where she hardly thinks about what she is saying before it comes spilling from her lips like a waterfall of sarcasm.

"I don't know, let me get back to you when I actually get some sleep." She wasn't going to tell her that she'd stayed up all night with Zuko but she didn't want to get up right now. The other girl pretends that she doesn't hear her-or maybe she really just doesn't care-and the bed dips down somewhere near Katara's knee, signifying that the warrior sat down. Still, she refuses to get up because getting up means dealing with the effects of last night and she doesn't want to do that right now.

Finally it seems that Suki gives up and the water bender silently thanks whatever gods are out there for the mercy as she hears the door close behind the warrior.

--

"She wont get up", Suki reports as she joins the others in the dining hall for breakfast, silently wondering what on earth is wrong with the usually peppy water bender; Mei pipes up in her unemotional manner.

"Zuko's being lazy this morning as well", she states lightly, that snags in Suki's brain, even if no one else seems to register it. But then again perhaps it is just due to the incident that she'd witnessed yesterday morning; an incident that she hadn't mentioned to anyone else if only to be able to interrogate her friend about it later. Could Katara's laziness and Zuko's laziness be connected? It sounds absurd when she thinks about it that way but something tells her that they have to be.

"I'll be right back", she said lightly before leaving the hall and heading for Zuko's room, she really doesn't care if it is particularly proper for her to go in there right now or not, nor does she care if Mei gets angry at her for it or not; she still lets herself in when she reaches it and stands there with her hands on her hips for a moment.

Zuko is just as dead to the world as Katara is, but she isn't deterred, she knows ways to get a man out of bed…

Grabbing a vase, she dumped it's contents, flowers and all over the fire bender's head, putting the vase down and resting her hands on her hips as he sputters awake, shouting some obscenities as he does.

"What the fuck was that for?!" he demands; Suki pokes him in the chest which is covered in a now waterlogged pajama shirt.

"Did you and Katara do anything last night?" he doesn't answer the question.

"What? Where the hell did that come from?" Suki glowers at him slightly.

"Answer me, mister!" he returns her glare with one of his own and slaps her hand away, he is unreadable and the Kiyoshi warrior dislikes that, it means that he can lie and she wouldn't know the difference.

"We just talked", he stated blandly, his voice returning little to no emotion to her to hint as to if he was lying or not; after a moment or two of studying his face, she gives him a suspicious look and pokes him in the chest again.

"If you're lying to me, I swear you will regret it" then she turns and heads for the door, nearly running into Iroh who is standing outside the door as if to come in as she leaves; leaving him there alone and returning to the dining room feeling just as uneasy as she had before but not letting it show on her face.

--

Zuko is happy when the unruly brunette leaves, she had woken him up in the rudest way and he is trying very hard not to blow up at her. Uncle Iroh comes in the room as she leaves, looking after her curiously before closing the door and bidding his nephew a wonderful good morning.

"Good morning Uncle", he says softly before getting up and pulling the now wet bed dressings from the bed for the maids to wash. Uncle says nothing as he watches Zuko in his actions; when he has finished with the bed clothes, he strips off his pajamas, throws them in the pile with the rest of the things the water had for the moment ruined and set to getting dressed.

"Did you sleep well?", Uncle asks curiously after a few long moments of watching and nothing being said.

"It was just fine", he said lightly; pulling on the traditional robe and fumbling with the sash for a long moment before Iroh comes to help him.

"You were up rather late with Katara", he observes lightly; discretely letting the fire lord know that he knew just what had happened the night before.

"We were just talking", the teen says lightly, he moves to step away from the older man but is instead turned to face him by two surprisingly strong hands on his shoulders.

"Zuko, you know I support you in anything you do, but let me give you some advice…it is not wise to try and go two ways at once, you just end up going nowhere." Briefly Zuko wishes that the older man wouldn't talk in riddles so much because it bothers him to know that he is coming to understand him.

"How long were you listening?", he asks, signing the treaty of his own defeat as he moves to finish composing himself. Iroh doesn't pause in his answer.

"A little before you two nearly fell off of the roof", he said lowly, as though he's worried that someone is listening outside the door. Zuko says nothing in return, there is nothing to say, instead he asks for advice.

"What do you think I should do?" Iroh shakes his head gently.

"That is not for me to say", he says gently before smiling at his nephew and turning to leave; the fire lord watches him go before sighing. He is human, strangely and utterly human in his actions, lost in his own lack of judgement and feelings; wanting Katara in a way that he shouldn't have but knowing that he has already started something with Mei. He has to talk to Katara about this, she is always the voice of reason.

--

Katara wants to cry as yet another knock comes to her door and she rolls over before whimpering softly to herself. Does the world just hate her? She is slowly starting to think so as yet another knock comes, this time more persistent.

"Why. Cant you. Let me sleep?!" forcing herself up she stumbles to the door, tripping over a trunk that she has forgotten is at the end of her bed and catching herself on the door before she opens it with what is supposed to be a glare, but her face falters when she sees just who is beyond that door. Zuko is standing there looking freshly clean, his hair wet and sticking to his face, but there is plant foliage in his hair, so maybe he isn't so clean. She just stares at him for a moment (trying to figure out what he could possibly want from her when they'd only parted ways a few hours ago) before stepping to the side and letting him into the room. He steps in as though he has visited her a thousand times before, it makes sense, this _is_ his house; so why does it bother her so to have him there.

She can feel his eyes on her as she closes the door behind him with a heavy thunk; she turns to go back to her bed but locks the door on a second though, the last thing she needs right now is someone (like Sokka) who would burst into her room without knocking and find her with Zuko. Oh the questions that would be asked, ones that she wasn't quite ready to answer.

Giving a soft, tired sigh, she paces back to the bed and crawls back into it, snuggling back under the blankets and pretending that he isn't there for about two seconds before speaking.

"Do I even want to know why you're here?", there is a shuffling and she glances at Zuko who (from what she can see over the peak of her blanket that is bunched over her shoulder and obstructing her view) has not moved since she let him in. He rubs his hair for a moment, obviously not liking the fact that it is wet as he pulls a leaf from the black mess.

"I just like interrupting your sleep", he says with light sarcasm, flicking the leaf away and looking back at her. She watches him briefly before forcing herself up and sitting up and sighing in defeat, deciding that it was evident she would get no sleep this morning. So she pats the bed beside her and urges him to sit down. This is going to be a long morning.


	8. Wanting It

She sits on the bed, it's now past noon and she still hasn't changed from her nightgown and robe; Zuko has been with her all morning so it's not really like she has had a chance to in the first place. They haven't talked about much, Zuko rambled about being confused before he shut up when he first sat down; now it is silent and it has been for the last hour. Most of that time has been spent deflecting visitors from the room and listening to people walk past the bedroom door. The bowl of water used to wash her face is still sitting untouched and cold on the dresser.

"Katara, do you think I should leave Mei?" he asks finally, making her choke on the air that is in her lungs as she whips around to look at him. He is watching her.

"Where did that come from?!" she asks, her voice cracking from lack of the air needed to make the words she is saying.

"I want a shot with you Katara..." She stands and backs away from the bed where he is still sitting; she wants this, she knows it, many times she's dreamed about him saying those words but they come with a price that she isn't sure she can pay. Aang and Mei would get hurt.

"I never asked you to-" standing he circles around the bed and follows after her as she backs into the wall.

"You don't have to, Katara, I just think that I want to see where this goes..." he says it slowly, as though the very thought of it wouldn't hurt anyone, as though he were just picking out a pattern for china dishes to put in the kitchen. Just see if you like them, if you don't you can always turn back. But that's not how it goes with people; Aang and Mei would be losing some part of their emotional self and that couldn't be put back.

"Zuko you can't just-" he paces so that he is above her, not pinning her but still able to block her exit if he wants to.

"Katara, I'm not talking about cheating on anyone here, I am just asking you if you would give me a chance if I weren't with Mei..." he is getting flustered and desperate, as though she were denying him something that he needs, but she's not...is she?

"Have you gone crazy?", she asks, changing the subject of her mind and pushing against his chest to get some distance between them; distance is good, it gives her the space she needs to think clearly. "What about Aang and Mei?! What about their feelings...? You're going to hurt them!" He groans in frustration and yells at her.

"Katara you can't go through life without hurting someone, you can try but you won't succeed...you're going to hurt someone!" She stares at him for a long moment, watching as he slowly regrets yelling at her; he opens his mouth to apologize but she looks away.

"Go", she says.

"But Katara-", his voice grates on her, she hates that he is even suggesting this...and the fact that she really wants it.

"I said GO!" she yells, taking the water from every vase in the room as well as the washbowl and hitting him with it; back he goes. The force of his body and the water breaks the door's lock and hinges and he takes it with him; rolling off of it when they hit the floor at the feet of Toph who had been walking past.

Drawing the water back, Katara sees him look at her just as she closes off the opening of her room with a solid block of ice thick enough not to see through too easily. When she is no longer faced with him, she feels herself fall under the pressure and starts crying...because she wanted it and that bothered her more than the suggestion itself.


	9. Absent

Katara doesn't come to dinner this night, Zuko sits beside Mei but his mind isn't there, she doesn't talk and neither does he as he watches Katara's empty seat through his bangs. Why isn't she there? Is this because of him? Of what he asked her this morning?

The others have noticed the empty seat, all of them cast glances at it separately before casting questioning glances to their neighbors. He pretends to pick through his food though he doesn't eat much; he is fine until Aang speaks.

"I wonder where Katara is..." he says nothing; Sokka speaks.

"She's still in her room; she hasn't come out all day." still nothing though he can feel eyes on him, are they watching him? He gives a quick, covert glance around the table, no one is watching him except for Suki who quickly returns to her food when he meets eyes with her. No one else seems to notice this.

Why is he so put off by the fact that the waterbender isn't there? Maybe because he was hoping that she would show up just so that he could see her.

They continue talking about Katara and after a few more agonizing moments, Zuko excuses himself from the table and leaves. The talking is too much, he can't hear about her without her there, it brings too many questions with nothing to distract him. He tells himself that he is going to his room but somehow he ends up outside Katara's; the ice is still there. Of course it's still there, it's her block from the world, but why is she blocking out the world? Why not just him.

Pressing his palm to the thick wall of ice, he notices that it's smoothe, not at all rough like one would think it to be, there are no crags or orifaces for other waterbenders to latch onto and open the door without touching it. Taking a deep breath, he lets it out, warming the surface and feeling it melt beneath his fingertips.

When he makes a hole large enough for her to notice, she looks at him, but he doesn't look at her; instead he continues his work at breaking down the door. I takes nearly ten minutes and not a word is spoken between the two as he works and she watches. Only when the door is fully broken down and there's not a trace of ice anywhere does Zuko step into the room, the door recreating behind him because Katara wishes it to be there. She can't keep him out but she can keep everyone else out.

"You weren't at dinner...", she turns away from him and straightens up her bed probably just so she has something to do.

"Was I supposed to be?", she asks, he sighs at her response, it's typical of her he supposes, she has always been more familiar with him than anyone else, so she punishes him by being distant.

"Katara...about earlier..." her movements stop briefly before she continues.

"Zuko you don't have to-..." he cuts her off.

"It was unfair of me to say that this morning; I shouldnt have asked you for advice about that, I just-" She turned on him, her eyes dark and emotionless as she cut him off just as he did to her.

"You're right, you shouldn't have..." she is pacing towards him, "You only seem to think about yourself sometimes, you're annoying and selfish, you think you're the only one with problems and you don't think at all before you put yourself out there without a second thought as to who exactly you're talking to and what they might be thinking." He backs away but he hits the iced over door and she keeps coming. "You're right, you shouldn't have come to me this morning, and you shouldn't have asked me for advice. You knew how I felt so you shouldn't have told me that you wanted a shot with me because we both know who it would hurt... Do you know why I threw you out earlier? Can you even guess?!"

He isn't so sure about coming here anymore as she stops before him, leaning close; he is ready to bolt, ready to leave her alone and sink back into his own confusion before something happens that scares him and raises elation in him like that which he has never known.

She kisses him; gentle, expressive and tempermental, just like her. It brings a smile to his lips and ever so slightly she pulls back.

"Because I'm the one that wanted it..." Pulling away, she paces to her bed and sits down, very slowly he follows.

"You don't owe him anything, Katara", he says gently, "Just because Aang loves you, doesn't mean you _have_ to love him in return." That was how the world worked, even he knew that one; he'd learned it the hard way; just because he'd loved his father and wanted his father's love in return, didn't mean that his father had to love him in return. He had to earn his father's love...

And a love that has to be earned is no love at all...

"Then why do I feel like I do...?", she asks; he reaches and brushes a stray strand of hair behind her ear and gives her the best smile he can.

"Because that's just who you are, Katara..." she gives him a meek grin and sighs before wringing her fingers together in her obvious nervousness.

"So waht now?", she asks after a long time; he doesn't know, in fact he is sure that neither of them really know where to go from here, they just know that there is something between them.

"Come to dinner", he says softly, "I'll deal with Mei afterwards, I'll think of something." She starts to retort.

"But-", he stops her, gently taking her hand in his.

"Come on Katara, I need you, I'm not brave enough to face them alone." There was a mild irony here though Zuko didn't know about it, Katara had once said that she would never turn her back on people who needed her. But he doesn't know that. Zuko only sees her smile, hears her laugh and finally concede before getting up and taking him with her.


	10. Late Night, Early Morning

Cold nights were never Katara's favorite, tonight though is particularly bad, she can't get to sleep because she can't get warm. It is well past midnight soon and she can hear the rest of the world has become very silent. At least until you get to the wing where Iroh is staying, then it's not so silent. She stares at the ceiling, maybe she can ask for a coal heater to be brought in, but somehow she doubts she will be able to sleep any better with a pan of hot coals at the foot of her bed.

Groaning softly, she rolls onto her stomach and pulls the blanket tighter around her. It doesn't help, she's just as cold as she was before. She is tempted to throw the blanket away but then she would have nothing and something is always better than nothing, even if it's not too much help in the first place.

Part of her wonders if anyone else is having this problem and if it's not just her bedroom that is freezing; why is it so cold anyway? It isn't winter yet.

A knock comes to her icy door and she groans, not wanting to get out of bed for the fact that she knows it's even colder out of the blanket than it is under it. But the knock comes again and she gets up, reaching for her robe and whimpering a little at the cold. The robe is warmer than the blanket, maybe she should start wearing it to bed. A third knock sounds and she washes away the door, letting the now liquid remnants settle on the frigid floor as her tired eyes register Zuko standing there.

He isnt wearing much, just his usual pants and no shirt, there isn't a goosebump on him that she can see. No fair. She wonders how he can not possibly be cold, but the faint pink tinge of his skin suggests that perhaps he is, but he is keeping himself warm somehow.

Nothing is said, she steps aside so he can come in, watching him step past her before she replaces the door. He crawls into her bed, she follows without question, him appearing at her door only tells her one thing; it didn't go well with Mei.

"I take it you're supposed to be sleeping on the couch?", she asks softly; stripping off her robe and returning it to the hook from whence it came. She thinks about keeping it but maybe another person in the bed will help the blanket do it's job.

"Yes, I am", he says softly, the statement barely registers as she slips under the covers and wonders if it is even the same bed that it was a moment ago. It is warm, he is warm and unconsciously she snuggles closer, needing that warmth. He seems to appease her, wrapping one arm over her waist and letting her slip close; somewhere in the back of her mind Katara knows that she's not supposed to be this comfortable with him yet, but the warmth has taken any hope of thinking away.

"What?", she asks, hoping that a repeat will allow her mind to somehow understand what it is that he is saying to her.

"Yes, I am supposed to be sleeping on the couch...", he says into her ear, the closeness making it easy for them to talk so no one will hear. His breath tickles her ear but she manages to fight the drugging effect of the heat on her chilled, sleep deprived body.

"Then why come to my room?", she asks, her voice taking on a dreamy tone as she slowly feels herself succumbing to sleep. A laugh rumbles in his chest, she can hear it as she tucks her face into the crook of his neck.

"Because you seem to be in need of a furnace", he was making a joke about the way she was cuddle up to him.

"I don't want a coal pan", she mumbles, the sentence making sense to her but probably not to him. Instead he just pulls the blanket a little tighter over them and laughs again.

"Just go to sleep..." he says softly.

Her body relaxes and soon she is asleep, snuggled into his chest as though he were a big, cuddly hot water bottle.

--

Zuko watches her long after she falls asleep; awkwardly running his fingertips over her exposed ribs. She wiggles at the light touch and he stops for a moment; she doesn't seem like she is awake. Returning his hand to her ribs, he explores the bared flesh below the blanket as she snuggles closer to him. He darts looks at her face as he traces each rib, dipping into each curve and noting how soft she is. Her voice makes him stop in his tracks as she speaks without opening her eyes.

"You just might make it to that couch tonight after all if you keep that up...", he gives a gentle laugh and lays his head on the pillow.

"I doubt you will do that, you like the warmth too much to kick me out...", she mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like 'try me' But he wont, and he knows she wont; instead he just wraps his arm comfortably over her waist and succumbs to sleep. They both need it anyway.

--

The voice that interrupts Katara's warm dream land sounds like it is far away and at first she doesn't understand what it is saying. It repeats itself, saying a shorter version of the first sentence and she suddenly snaps awake at the sound of Aang's voice.

"Katara?", the water bender feels her whole body stiffen then in an instant she pushes her foot against the man beside her's stomach and shoves him off of the bed happy that the door is to her side of the bed and the other side is obscured enough for Zuko to slide under the bed without being seen as Aang takes her ice door down. It isn't smooth after her late night last night and it's easier for him to do it.

Pulling the blanket over her head so that she is completely covered, she leans over Zuko's side of the bed and presses a finger to her lips in a desperate plea for him to be quiet as he slips fully under the bed. She doesn't have to plea with him though, he will do it just because she is the one that asks. Not that she knows this.

She lays very still as Aang enters the room, laying hear head on the pillow that the fire lord had previously been using; noting to herself that she feels rather like a child who's hand had been caught in the cookie jar and that the dark haired boy's scent is still on the pillow. Had she not had her previously nice morning interrupeted, she might have felt compelled to hold it for a while.

"Katara are you feeling better?", the water makes an exaggerated display of getting up and yawning, pretending that she'd been asleep as she let her eyes drag low and her voice be lazy.

"Mh...Good morning Aang, yes, I'm fine, just a late night...", she thinks she hears a snicker come from under the bed but pushes it away before giving a slight bounce on the bed, being sure to hit the fire lord into the floor and inwardly grinning when she heard the bitten off mutter of a curse word that she quickly masks over with another exaggerated yawn.

"Aang I will be down for breakfast in a few minutes, I just need to get dressed." The airbender nods and smiles.

"Alright, I will see you at breakfast then, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, you weren't yourself last night..." She nods and smiles, watching him as he goes. Why can't he go any faster?! Finally he waves a final childish goodbye and Katara returns the ice door to it's previous state; turning just in time to see Zuko stand and rub his head. Glowering she advances on him and points; watching him freeze up in anticipation for another blow to knock him out the door. But that blow doesn't come, instead she jabs him in the chest.

"That was _not_ funny and if last night hadn't been the _best_ sleep I have ever gotten, I would gladly kick you out and tell you not to come back!", he smirks and she sighs. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to get dressed." Waving a hand in the general direction of the door, she melts an arch just large enough for him to leave.

At first she thinks he has gone and she lets out a sigh of relief, but he hasn't gone, he steps up behind her and kisses her just behind her ear. It sends a chill down Katara's spine that she will deny was even there.

"Let's do this again, _very_ soon", he whispers into her ear before turning to leave; it seems he is going to leave but he stops again. She hears his footsteps halt. What is it _now_?!

"You know, I don't care what happened last night, you're not w-", turning she stops dead in her tracks. Zuko isn't gone, but someone else is in the doorway and their identity makes her heart stop. Sokka stands a shocked look on his face and he opens his mouth, a glare starting on his face. She knows what is coming.

Grabbing Sokka by the wrist, she pulls him inside before shoving Zuko out the door and resolidifying the door behind him and nearly collapsing in stress. Twice this morning she had been walked in on during a rather private moment. TWICE! Had no one ever _heard_ of minding their own business?!


End file.
